As a person very respectful of authority, I'm concerned for the success of U.Va.'s campaign against terroristic threats. Of course a couple of flaws have dimmed its glory so far -- that unchallenged Swiss Army knife, the can of pepper spray -- but if those basketball-game ushers were not better informed than the ones at the chamber-music concert I attended on Feb. 9 in Old Cabell Hall, then they had every reason to shirk their patriotic duty. My friend who ushered at that concert had no instructions about what to look for in those "big bags," how to react should her flashlight illuminate something terrifying, or whom to call into action.

Assurances from U.Va. promise refinement of the process, and I'm sure we will all feel safe in the future at U-Hall and Old Cabell and Culbreth. But what about other sites that attract so many of our valued citizens? If U.Va. is frightening, what about Kmart, Kroger, or McDonald's? Thank heaven Charlottesville does not harbor Target!

So I have a Modest Proposal that will make us all secure and furnish good jobs to all the unemployed. As patriots, concerned for the safety of all our people, I propose that we refuse to go into any public place that does NOT have armed, informed, security guards scrupulously inspecting us all. In fact, private homes also loom menacingly. What better place could terrorists use for an example of their demoralizing power than the American home?

Unfortunately, not all of us have an extra room to wrap in plastic and duct tape and store our bottles of Evian, beaujolais, and German beer, but we can all feel equal to owners of the finest mansions, if only there's a Homeland Security Guard at each American doorway.

Virginia Germino (electronic mail, February 17, 2003)