"Friendship is an incredibly strange relationship. We choose to connect with particular people in a way we never choose our family members. We deliberately pick out people with whom we share our time and energy. We don't always do the work to connect with our family members but friendship only exists because we are willing to put in the effort. And it does take effort. A lot. At the same time, we devalue our friendship by saying, 'they are just a friend' or 'she is only a friend.'

My friends. are some pretty awesome people. I have one childhood friend whom I have known for 33 years. She and her sister deliberately and consciously make the choice to write and visit--flying down from Canada--because they want to maintain our friendship. Nowadays such a friendship seems a bit old fashioned. People change their spouse regularly and their best friends even more regularly. We are all interchangeable and updateable.

In prison we often hear you won't find any friends in here because you come in alone and you leave alone: which doesn't sound to me that different to what happens in life. Imagine saying that in life. Friendship is impossible or a waste of time; that there are no friends of lasting quality; because you are born alone and die alone. It is simply not true. In prison I have met some remarkable resilient, strong, interesting, funny, humble and honest people whom I would be honored to call friend and whom I hope to know long after prison into the rest of my life. Yes there is lots of fakery and dishonesty and there are certainly people who would be difficult to like and trust but that's to be expected. What is astonishing is that friendship blossoms and persists and survives at all.

Friendship is one of those gifts I know I don't deserve but some unbelievably kind and generous benefactor has bestowed it on my anyway. It's totally ridiculous! Where do these good people come from? And it's not like they have some rosy misconception of who I am. They know, have experienced all the ugliness and weakness of my character. Yet they remain steadfast and true.

Many people think of friends as good-time buddies. Well I have not been a good time for my poor friends. They have stood by me out of their commitment to a higher set of principles. Because of the quality of their friendship, I want to pass it forward and offer others the experience and pleasure of an old-fashioned friendship. I want others to taste and enjoy what it is like to be chosen and stood by, not because we are roped together by family obligation, but because we have chosen to be source of support and encouragement for one another. It is my goal, as I set out on this journey of being a friend to imitate the principles and character of my best friends.

I call them best friends because they encourage the best. They do not hesitate to look me in the eye and ask the hard questions. At the same time, they provide a safe place for the answers. When I fall down they help me pick myself up, even if it's for the thousandth time. When I am going strong, they remind me to laugh at myself and stay humble. Friendship is the most liberating and empowering relationship. My friends are not just my friends. My friends are not only friends. My friends are like all the other free gifts I often take for granted: awesome skies, the variety and abundance of creation, the small delights and pleasures such as the taste of chocolate, the velvety ear of a puppy dog or the smell of a newborn. My friends are what make my life wonderful and like all the best things, friendship is completely impervious to condition or circumstances, and endures." (Elizabeth Haysom, Fluvanna Review, October 21, 2004).

Elizabeth Haysom is presently incarcerated at the Fluvanna Correctional Center for Women in Troy, Virginia. This column is one of a series, published under the general heading 'Glimpses from Inside.'