"I read a line in a book by Thomas Merton, the trappist monk, that made me a burst out laughing. He wrote, 'I do not have time to pray.' It has emboldened me to admit that I, who have so much time, often don't have time.

It is possible to be very busy in prison. Of course, an awful lot of time gets wasted on waiting and wall staring. I spent years staring at the wall waiting for real life to begin. It took me a long time to figure out that this was my real life and I had best get on with it. But I still don't understand where all the time goes and how it is that some people fit so much more into their day than I do. It's as if I travel in slow motion taking ten times longer than everyone else to get anything done.

I'd really like to be learning Italian and writing some magnificent opus, reading about 25 books, crocheting and sewing needlepoint projects, and of course, there's my job, finishing school, attending programs, writing letters, community service--let's not forget exercising, time for thinking and napping. Napping is essential. My friends complain I ignore them, that I don't spend any time with them, talking, playing games or dinner parties. In the meantime, I feel so overwhelmed by busyness and so energy-deficient and fragmented that I asked a counselor, who is renowned for her blur of activity, how she manages.

She did not give me details of her day planner methodology or suggest I read a book on efficiency or time management (which I've learned is really learning to manage yourself). Very simply she said, 'I decide what's important and I do one thing at a time.' It sounded so beautiful to me. I tried it immediately.

The first thing I discovered is that it could take me a week to figure out (decide, choose) what's important. It's all important. Worse, I'm unable so far to do one thing at a time. While I'm doing A, I'm thinking about (fretting, worrying over) B, C, and D. No wonder I'm so tired and fragmented; I'm trying to do everything all at once.

It's not ambition or a desire for accomplishment. I'm trying to make up for lost time--those wasted years of wall staring. And stupidity. So like a deprived and impoverished child, who has won the lottery, I'm grabbing fistfuls of activities and opportunities. It's wonderful to be alive and involved. It's exciting--energizing--to try new things. It's empowering to pull out that old regret list of 'I wish I could have'... and discover that a number of them, with creativity and determination, are possible right now.

I try hard not to be enslaved by to-do lists anymore but to pursue prioritized goals and objectives. The most important of which, I have discovered, is to savor and give thanks for this second chance at life." (Elizabeth Haysom, Fluvanna Review, April 15, 2004).

Elizabeth Haysom is presently incarcerated at the Fluvanna Correctional Center for Women in Troy, Virginia. She is serving a 90 year sentence as an accessory to the murder of her parents in 1985. This column was first printed as part of a series, under the general heading 'Glimpses from Inside.'