""Go to, let us go down, and there confound their language, that they many not understand one another's speech."
- God, in the Book of Genesis, Chapter 11, Verse 7

The Tower of Babel on the plains of Shinar? Got nothing on the Tower of Babble in the hills of Bath. Virginia Republicans are "advancing" at the Homestead this weekend--like the Union Army "advanced" back to Washington after First Manassas.

Of course, there is a difference. In Genesis, the tribes gathered in unison and scattered in confusion. Virginia Republicans seem to have gotten even that backwards. They're gathering in confusion. How they'll scatter is anybody's guess, but VDOT crews have been busy erecting "Caution/Republican Crossing" signs at thickets and briar patches along the roadsides there.

What's the agenda look like? 9 AM--Call to Order; 10 AM--Call to Order; 11 AM--Call to Order…You get the picture.

Think organizational meeting of a Third World parliament; think National Geographic Special--you know, the ones where the tribes get painted up, get good and drunk and holler and shake sticks at each other.

Get this picture, too.

Ham-handed, fat-cat Republicans, knocking back Jack Daniels Single Barrel and puffing Monte Number Twos? Sure, there will be a few of them there--reluctantly. Privately they would tell you they'd rather be at a Tupperware party. More than anything, the hospitality suites at this one will resemble the bar scene in Star Wars.

Take my word on it--the Republican Party of Virginia is one strange mix these days.

Of course, all the tribal chiefs are expected--Allen, Gilmore, Howell, Chichester--and a couple of new junior pledge chiefs--McDonnell and Bolling.

Bolling will be in the lemonade line, pinching himself at thoughts of being "presumptive" four years hence--or maybe just pinching himself. McDonnell will be nursing a Shirley Temple--and maintaining line-of-sight with Pat Robinson.

And the shamans will be there--Phil Rodokankis, of the Virginia Club for Growth, and maybe Peter Ferrara, of the whatever group. They'll be the ones wearing hair shirts and carrying placards that read "Repent, ye sinners! The end is nigh!"

President Bush would have been invited--but for the protests from the paying customers.

The has-beens and wannabes will be there, and the columnists and bloggers--and such.

There will be RINO (Republican in Name Only) sightings, political geography workshops offered by the Flat-Earthers, and, rumor has it, the rarest of the rare these days, especially in Republican gatherings, one or two real conservatives. But don't worry, they'll be made to sit at the "little peoples" table when the meal is served.

I couldn't get on-the-record confirmation, but, off-the-record, my understanding is that RPV Chairman Kate Griffin--who's been seen with about the same frequency as the ivory-billed woodpecker since losing a 10-point Republican state by six points just a month ago--may actually show.

Word I get is that organizers are in deep negotiations with her people--that she'll come only if everyone promises not to bring up the election. Hell, I wouldn't want to bring it up either. Event spokesmen do confirm that there is an alternate plan that will allow some discussion, some finger-pointing, some blame-gaming for the colossal gubernatorial loss in the event Griffin doesn't show.

Seems they can get Jerry Kilgore or Ken Hutchenson to lead the "How we lost, and why" seminar as a second choice, fall-back alternative. That's going to take some logistics noodling, though. They can get one or the other, but not both at the same time. Seems the Homestead management won't agree to leave the valet parking operation completely unattended. One of them has to stay on the job at all times." (Barnie Day, electronic mail, November 30, 2005)