George,

Many people are very puzzled about the issues around gay marriage and civil unions. They are not aware that marriage in this country confers over 1000 rights, from parenting to inheritance to social security, medical guardianship, hospital visitation and so much more. Gay folks with children face tremendous consequences if the birth parent dies. The kids could be taken away from the second parent and in Virginia, legal documents drawn up to protect that parent can be ignored by judges. If the non-birth parent dies then the social security benefits for the children, that heterosexual married couples take for granted, are not available to those children of the non birth gay parent. Those children can not be adopted by the second parent in Virginia or many other states - so the states have in effect - the power to disqualify people and their children from federal benefits.

Wills, power of attorney and other documents which couple put in place to try to provide protections for their shared property rights can be set aside by judges if a gay persons birth family intervenes.

After 40 years of contributing to social security in the same way straight folks do, a gay partner will not be entitled to those social security benefits.

In Virginia it is illegal for companies to offer family health insurance policies to gay couples the way they do to straight couples/families. FMLA is not available to gay folk and bereavement leave is often denied to gay partners. So even though two people may make the same wage for the same work - the gay person is always paid less in total compensation because they are denied the same benefits that straight couples/families receive. Gay folks are discriminated against every day in their employment, in government benefits and services and it is not fair.

The issues around the federal amendment on marriage are much broader and more damaging than most people realize. It is a terrible threat to gay folk. Many gay folk who understand its potential consequences find it terrifying. This amendment is cunningly crafted to allow all kinds of discrimination. The second sentences ("...legal incidents thereof...") is so unclear but so potentially damaging - the consequences could be devastating. It could potentially allow a state to declare unmarried folks unfit to be parents and remove even birth children from gay families and could nullify existing adoptions. And if anyone does not believe that those things can happen here - let me assure you that they can. I ask you to read the following excerpt from the Soulforce.org website, understand how far this thing could go and visit the poll site and register your voice this amendment. http://www.marriagepoll.com

FROM www.SOUFORCE.ORG

The Federal Marriage Amendment reads:

"Marriage in the United States shall consist only of the union of a man and a woman. Neither this Constitution or the constitution of any state, nor state or federal law, shall be construed to require that marital status or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon unmarried couples or groups." The Federal Marriage Amendment

Why Does the F.M.A. Threaten the Civil Rights of So Many Americans?

Notice the second sentence in the 51 word Amendment above. According to the ACLU, if this sentence is enshrined in the U.S. Constitution, it would be "the legal equivalent of a nuclear bomb that would wipe out every single law protecting gay and lesbian families and other unmarried families as well." In Andrew Sullivan's words, The F.M.A. is "the biggest assault on gay rights in U.S. history."

What Would Be The Tragic Consequences of the F.M.A. in the Lives of Same-Gender Couples?

* Nullify domestic partnership laws in Vermont, California and in more than 100 counties, cities and towns;

* Prohibit recognition of same-gender marriages conducted in Canada and deny any of the 50 states from ever granting to same-gender couples the civil rights and protections that go with marriage;

* Prohibit fifty state legislatures from expanding their civil rights laws to protect gay and lesbian or unmarried heterosexual couples and their families;

* Undermine state adoption, foster care, and child custody laws;

* Prohibit state and local governments from deciding to provide benefits to their employees;

* Destroy a wide range of rights that are important to the lives of all unmarried persons including state and local laws prohibiting discrimination based on 'marital status' and state laws protecting unmarried elderly couples who refrain from marrying in order to hold on to their pensions.

* Permanently deny benefits for same-gender couples including: automatic inheritance, assumption of spouse's pension, bereavement leave, burial determination, domestic violence protections, exemption from property tax on partner's death, immigration rights for foreign spouse, insurance breaks, joint parenting (insurance coverage, access to school records), medical decision on behalf of partner, reduced rate memberships, sick leave to care for partner, social security survivor benefits, visitation of partner's children, visitation of partner in hospital or prison, tax breaks, joint bankruptcy and at least 1,000 other benefits.

Kathy Baker (electronic mail, December 20, 2003)

Editor's Note: For related article, see Bush Supports Constitutional Amendment Opposing Gay Marriage.