"Like Mussolini, the Metro board understands that it's all about making the trains run on time. But like the ancient Romans, the folks who run Metro know that giving the masses bread and circuses can't hurt.

So come along as we visit a two-act gladiatorial spectacle that should keep us entertained for many months. The first act stars the worn but crowd-pleasing cast of the Impeachment Follies. It's Bob Barr, Dick Armey and the Rapacious Repos in 'Revenge of the Reagan Renaming Regiment.' They don't have Bill Clinton to kick around anymore, so they're aiming at the Metro board, preparing to halt the trains if they don't get the National Airport station renamed for their beloved ex-president.

This week, armed with threats of a funding freeze, 24 Republican congressmen dared Metro to defy them and refuse to rename the station. To the roar of the crowd (well, actually to the groans of the assembled TV crews, who couldn't believe that the Metro board would dispense with the issue without even a tiny bit of shouting and fist-shaking), Metro's directors stood fast. 'The National Airport signs are accurate,' said Metro board member Chris Zimmerman, of Arlington. There's no more reason to change them than there would be to change the Staditum-Armory Station, even though it doesn't say RFK Stadium.'

Barr and his cronies on the Hill sputtered with rage upon hearing that their command had been ignored. The Georgia congressman made the requisite dark noises about reviewing Metro's insolence 'during the appropriations process this year.' Eager to jump in the mosh pit, Don Young, a congressman from Alaska - Alaska! - threatened to sue Metro and all its friends and relations to force those transit commies to change the name. (Alaska's new license plate slogan: Honor the Great Reagan or Die!)

What a dramatic end to Act One! The audience can barely wait to return for the Maoist Act Two - 'The District's Revenge: License Plate as Vanguard of the Revolution and Beloved Symbol of the People's Purity!' This production features a reluctant Mayor Tony Williams finally agreeing to put the city's 'Taxation Without Representation' license plates on all city vehicles within 90 days - a concession he was embarrassed into making by council member Jim Graham, who could not ask Metro to put the in-your-face license plates on its buses if the city lacked the courage to attach them to its own vehicles.

Graham, who represents the District on the Metro board, has led the fight to put the D.C. voting rights slogan on every Metrobus. But at Thursdays board meeting, there was much gnashing of teeth over the propriety of making a political statement in favor of D.C. rights even as the board proclaimed itself apolitical in the Reagan matter. Anyway, Graham wasn't sure he had the votes to prevail on the bus tags question.

So the savvy councilman took a chance: Without warning, he asked Metro's general manager, Richard White, what would happen in the normal course of events if a Metrobus needed a new license plate. (Apparently, they wear out very quickly on buses.) White said Metro would take whatever plate the D.C. government normally handed out. Which happens to be the Taxation Without Representation plate. (You can still get the idiotic Celebrate and Discover plates, but you have to request them.)

At which point, Graham withdrew his proposal to mandate the D.C. rights plates. Within two years, all 1,400 Metrobuses will be rolling reminders to Congress of the injustice they have foisted on half a million Americans.

The curtain falls. Of course, we've seen the Congress vs. the District show far too many times, and the ending is always the same, mean old Congress dances all over sad sack D.C. But with Metro in the cast, it's an all-new script.

'In D.C., we're sadly accustomed to this,' Graham says. 'Humble pie is our daily fare. But in Maryland and Virginia, they're not used to bowing to Congress. I give Arlington and Zimmerman a lot of credit.They know that once you let these guys do this to you once, you'll never see the end of it. There was real gumption in the Reagan decision, and there'll be more.'

Bread and circuses, courtesy of the Metro board. Can the rail gang stand tall against the impeachment boys? See you at the Colosseum!" (Marc Fisher, The Washington Post, April 21, 2001).